we are about to.. rock steady! california sun, has sunk.. banana something yeah... i'm just the loner musician now. i think too much. why am i named steve? wtf is up with that? is it just so people won't have to call me "hey you"? who the hell cares? no one.. heh! oh well. i gotta keep it cool. rockman rules. Ò_Ó as does cheese. and these ibc root beer things that look like real beer, they kick ass too. let me tell you guys a little something about what anthony and i encountered on the way to yaohan one day. little anthony was walking with me, and we happened to stop by the Hyper Mart. all they sold there was books about how to phreak phone lines. of course, i bought one.
unfortunately for anthony, he did not. so of course, the owner of the store could not let him out with the supreme knowledge of phreaking for free. anthony, being the drunkard he is, happened to have just finished a few of those miller lights left over at the Castle. actually that doesn't have to anything with anything because anthony just gave the man some glow in the dark sausage. the man was enamored with it and left us alone.
continuing our trek, we encountered a bum we had seen before named Starfish. he was named this because the only word he could speak was "starfish." somehow , anthony was able to acquire some free beer off this guy. (you know anthony, him and his mind-altering alcholic beverage.) anthony was well beyond drunk at this point, and well, you could imagine what happened next. we were sucked into the void. it took us a few seconds to climb back out, but the earth had aged immensely. we were still just 15 years old, but we were now in 1998. actually wait, we started out in 1998. forget i said all that.
okay, continuing on our way anthony saw some man who he presumed to be the legendary Dan Hibiki. he started screaming out "doushita doushita!?" and "gadouken" and other such obscenities. i was wondering what the HELL anthony was thinking, since the man was none other than hayao miyazaki. he would've adopted me too, but nooooo, anthony had to scare hiim off with his psycho ass street fighter babble. i was so enraged that i left anthony and climbed into my patlabor and ran back home. i dont know how anthony made it back home either, but he was unshaven, drunk, and looked like he had just gotten raped. he stunk too. i never asked him what happened, because i was scared. he had this thing on his face that was looking at me funny, so i just left him alone. and that is how we rocked steady. the end. marilyn manson sucks at making music too. hah!
~Psycho Bishounen Terrifying Soul of Dragon Fang Nibble Steve
Hah. Well, today's my birthday. Yay, me. At school today Steve presented me with an Escaflowne-flavored rag tampon. Joy. Anyway, today was weird. It was raining, but steve did some insane crazy-ass rain dance and it started raining miniscule hailstones. I mean, he could've at least summoned some REAL hail, right? Anyway. Then he climbed to the top of the huge bronze Buddha statue that sits in the quad of our high school, sat in it's lap, and started humming some Buddhist version of High Pressure in Chinese. When he started rising into the air, I ran like hell. Then I saw Kenny. He was like, doing crack and he was wearing a dress. Why crack? Because as we all know, it's good with milk. Stays crunchy. Oh, and he was wearing really bright pink lipstick. Dude, if you're gonna crossdress, you do it RIGHT. Anyway. That scared me even more, so I ran back to Steve, who was by now hopping up and down on one leg on top of Buddha's crotch mumbling the Koran in reverse, with the lyrics to Zankoku na Tenshi every other paragraph as he patted his tummy and rubbed his head in a circular motion. I never knew he knew Hindi, much less was so multi-coordinated. Ambidextrous too, apparently.
Anyway, I also got a Yurika (you know, Nadesico chick) doll. It dances around and sings, but only for me. It also does a neat lapdance. Yeah. Kenny, at this time, was jumping up and down while screaming "If Yan can do it, so can YOU!!!" and beating at his crotch with a tonfa.
Oh, and someone gave me a breast-protector shield. I mean, this thing is TINY. Like, the bra size would be like, -0.024 A. Get how small it is??? It's more like a pinky shield, but it DOES have two sections. I guess it could work for a really small butt, too. Anyway, it turns out to be what Nobuteru Yuuki wore when he did the Escaflowne designs. Kind of like a breast thinking cap. He must have really small breasteses. So hell, I wore it. Maybe it works, right? Oh yeah, and more than one person (like, at least four) compared me to Ryoko Hirosue and said I looked like her. Well, at least she's a hottie. Heh.
Then Karen was reading Countdown. Whoooooo boy. If you don't know what countdown is, well... get the hell out and go to Disney.com or something. Leave! Leave! NOW! Oh yeah, and she developed this weird Irish accent with a Jamaican twist and just a liiiiittle fruit on top. Kinda like Bob Marley, Father Daly and Van Damme all put together. She was like, "I canna' reed dis' Japoneez, mon! I jus' canna' dooo it!" So I had to teach her the words. Not like there was much beyond "Suteki", "Mouto", "ima", and "hayaku". (For those of you who don't know Japanese, "wonderful", "more", "now", and "faster". *koffkoff*)
By this time, kenny had rid himself of the dress and makeup. I found him and Richard, one of my school friends, tagging pokemon bullcrap on a bench. I immediately called the cops, who hauled them out and threw them in rehab with a group of people who thought they were potatoes. They should be out in a week. Then we found out Kenny was a compulsive alcoholic when he started lapping water out of a rainpuddle. We had to explain to him that rain contains acid, not alcohol. He was crushed. He's gonna be in there awhile, we think. We're hoping and praying he won't drop the soap. It might traumatize him for good.
Anyway, that's it for tonight. More later. And don't wet the bed, or your parents will stop loving you. Buh-bye now.